Why did no one warn me that it would be so: what should the future mother be prepared for
A perinatal psychologist, a breastfeeding consultant, the author and presenter of the courses “I will be a mother” Alexandra Anikina, talked about the fact that future parents need to know before delivery and what things really are necessary for the baby.
Women who wait for the birth of a child often understand the preparation for his birth, mainly as the purchase of diaper–rash diapers, the choice of the most comfortable stroller, the most beautiful crib … And when the child is born, it turns out that having a beautiful crib is not a guarantee that the baby will sleep in it; that the child for some reason does not take the breast, although the milk seems to be there; that the child can cry, even if he is dry and full … And the young parents in horror understand that they do not even imagine what to do with this little creature. At the same time, you can find answers to most of the questions – and you need – even during pregnancy.
Why did no one warn me that it would be so: what should be the future mother
There is a common opinion: there is no need to attend courses for pregnant women, this is a waste of time and money. Because they gave birth earlier without any courses and raised children, using the intuition and experience of grandmothers. You can not learn everything in advance, the theory is one, and the living child is another. In the course of the matter, we’ll figure it out. And it’s just stupid to prepare for childbirth: no one knows how they will go, but no one ever left the hospital to get pregnant, so the main thing is to trust doctors.
And it’s true, sometimes it happens! Childbirth passes easily, the child sucks a breast, milk is a lot of, everyone sleep at night – an idyll. I met such families. Two times. Or not, three. Every time I caught myself in a shameful feeling of envy.
Unfortunately, a family with a newborn often has problems. It happens that the birth is normal, but after the mother finds out that, it turns out, Caesarean could be avoided, that the baby could be in the hospital with her in the ward and so on. Mom bites his elbows: “If I knew in advance.” At the first application of the baby to the chest, too, everything is not always smooth: he does not suck, or sucks languidly, or his mother hurts, or … lots of options.
Why did no one warn me that it will be like this: what should the future mother be for
But the fun begins at home. The kid does not want to sleep in his wonderful white bed from Ikea. And does not want to sleep in a stroller. He wants to be with mom all the time, sucking his breast for an hour, then fall asleep for ten minutes and then suck.
Why did no one warn me that it would be like this: what should the future mother be for
What’s the matter? Milk is not enough? Milk is “empty“? Mom “non–dairy“? And how to cut nails, they are like a film? And what kind of rashes on the face is an infection? And he also seems to have a cold. And in a dream he drank strange, he caught a cold?
And then it turns out that the young mother is surrounded entirely by specialists in breastfeeding, pediatricians and child psychologists. The mother–in–law says that all the problems due to the fact that the infant was accustomed to the arms – it was necessary to immediately get used to sleeping in bed. The husband reads on the Internet that it is necessary to weigh before and after feeding. Even grandfather participates: he knows that the baby can not be put with him into bed, for it is easy to crush and suffocate, earlier in the villages this happened often …
Young mother is nervous, does not sleep, listens to advice, reads forums, calls girlfriends. Of course, all issues will be solved with time, children will grow up, and those first months–years will be forgotten. But it’s a shame that so much nerves and forces were spent on such trifles! That my mother, instead of enjoying communication with the baby and her new position, is engaged in such nonsense as boiling water for bathing, crying because of slow weight gain, and listening to the patronage sister for reprimanding the belly button not so much for the baby.
That intuition, on which the opponents of courses for pregnant women hope, for some reason does not work. And it is clear why: most often the current mothers first see the baby, having already given birth to it. They did not have the experience of growing younger sisters and brothers, they were the only children themselves. And if they were, they were not allowed to care for the baby. Councils of grandmothers also help little. The mother–in-law’s advice (“You feed him, he has a stomach from overeating! You need to feed every three hours, not more often!”) Absolutely contradicts the advice of my mother (“A hungry baby, you are not dairy, now such good mixes, let me buy” ).